Friday, April 17, 2009

The Usual Stuff - Infernal Space Robots attack Flemington

A torrent of deadly space robots invaded downtown Flemington, NJ today leaving a swath of infernal destruction in their wake.

Observers, like Al, the Town Drunk, estimated the invasion force at 900 gazillion space robots. This estimate may be somewhat overstated, according to the local junior high chess team, who were on a field trip to the comic book store, but maybe more fully accurate in emotional terms (if you are someone who exhibits emotions).

A nervous bystander with a bad complexion described the robots as a "brightly-painted, smokey, square-shaped, smelly, loud, ambitious, harsh-light-emitting, slow-moving, interdimensional gang bangers from hell." This too was somewhat hyperbolized, according to members of the local marching band society, who were in search of a bar - which, by the way, can not be found in Downtown Flemington since the Union Hotel closed and sold its booze license, creating a de-facto state of prohibition, although many people can (and do) bring their own bottles to many local eateries and alleyways. They stated that the space robots weren't painted, but instead were constructed of brightly colored metals, plastics and glass.

I would like to unequivocally state that no one knows where the spacerobots came from (other than from space) or where they went to for the after-destruction party.

In related news, another onslaught of merely annoying space robots invaded downtown Pittstown NJ earlier in the day, leaving an visibly irritated populace of mopes and would-be aviators to mutter and scowl over their beers at the Pittstown Inne (est 1768). Evan, the town's only punk, an eleven year old kid with a green Statue of Liberty mohawk was heard to say,"Aw, we always get the crappy space robots here! Pittstown sucks!"

Scientists from nearby Raritan Valley Community College were hesitant to comment on the rash of space robot invasions and skeptical as to whether local citizenry could be trusted to report with accuracy on such ground-breaking events. Instead, they decamped to a local watering hole to contemplate, think, cogitate, regard the facts, analyze and mull the reported events over some more.

"This is even worse than Tea Party Day they had yesterday!" said Al, the Town Drunk.

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